Quarter Life Crisis.

This normal pause in blogging is brought to you by what I have finally determined is a Quarter Life Crisis.  (Apparently, that's a real thing now, so I'm going with it.)

Granted, crisis may seem like a stretch to you who see/talk to me on a semi-regular basis.  Rachael, you seem fine.  You have a good head on your shoulders.  You're not supposed to have it all figured out anyway...  Oh, well, thanks then.  That...makes it all better.  Bitchy, I know, but it's how I feel and this is a blog about how I feel. (Welcome...)

I think kids (wait, what? why did I type that??) my age (i.e.on the cusp of 25, give or take a few years) have so many opportunities, so many options these days that we get overwhelmed.  Hear me out.  In high school we develop a state of mind that tells us that we have so much potential to find our dreams and passions and make a semi-happy, sustainable life out there....and then we are graduated, sent out to fend for ourselves after having our every need provided for.  (Historically speaking, we've not had to work that hard...)  Some of us go to college.  There we "define" ourselves again with a major.  We are confident that this sets us on a path, knowing that our future will follow.  It has to, right?  Fast forward, and we are graduated once again. Where's that satisfying career?  Well, sometimes we take a job that pays the bills that sounds decent enough, and to be fair it isn't the worst job in the world (or even a bad one--hey, it's EXPERIENCE), and yet one day we wake up to discover that we're not happy after all.  We're not unhappy, per say, but we're not happy either.  Where did we go wrong?  Aren't we at an age where we're supposed to start being responsible, getting everything figured out and how-it's-supposed-to-be?  But no--we're out there, drifting on a sea of indifference without oars or a compass.  We want something else, even if we don't know what that something else is or in which direction to find it.  We need it.  We crave it.

Most days, I'm a veritable sea of thoughts:
Why am I here?  Because it's a job.  Is that all?
Is this important--to me or to somebody else?
Is this something I want to still be doing in a year? Eh...
What about 5 years?  Oy vey...
Am I saving enough money?  Nope.  Definitely not.
Will we have enough money to retire and live on?  How do I even determine "enough" when all the "models" are different?
What about traveling?  That is my main goal after all...  (How do I get a decent paying job that pays me to write about traveling??!)
Living expenses are only going up...and our health will only deteriorate.
And, you know, we do travel now.  Not as much as I'd like, but we travel.
Do we travel too much?  Are we spending money on traveling we should be saving??
OhmyGod, I should never buy anything I don't need ever again.
Then, I can travel AND save money.

And then I go through a three day period of not spending money on anything until I curl up on the edge of the bed trying to find a way to convince myself that I really do just NEED that chocolate bar.  And, of course, I suddenly see as plain as day that I'm ridiculous, acting like a child.

I feel that because Ryan got a job (!!!!) and we'll be moving to Roanoke in June...I feel that I should feel reassured.  It's a new step--and in the right direction for us--but I'll have a fresh beginning to make all sorts of decisions all over again.  Do I get a job to pay the bills, or do I try to find something I enjoy?  Is going back to school the answer?  Maybe take part time classes while finding a job--any job?  Or should I just volunteer at several places that sound interesting until I figure out what I want to do?

And, let's be honest, we all know I want to work for Disney.  If Ryan's really going to be travelling 3-4 days a week, then I could, too.  I could just move to Orlando for 6 months.  Work for Disney, even if it's just a summer job.  Get a foot in the theoretical door...  Work a quick serve food station or lifeguard just to be able to put it on a resume for something a bar or two up the next year.  Or I could go be an au pair for 6-9 months.  Go back to Germany.  Live in Munich.  The food, the people, the language, the mountains, the city...

See what I mean?  There are so many options.  Which bring me to another point.  I'm complaining/having a crisis about options.  Who does that??  What kind of First World White Girl am I to be a walking wreck over indecision??  Maybe I should just go volunteer in Africa for 6 months and learn what it's really like for the Real World...to do some good ministry work and gain some perspective.


Lord, I pray for direction.  I pray for a guiding hand as we move forward in our lives.  I realize there are others with more legitimate issues that need your concern...but I know that you love all of your children, and want all of us to be happy and serve you.  Help nudge me in the right direction so that I can work towards that goal--for me and for you. Amen.

Habits

"Everything changes once you're married!"  I can't tell you how often I get told that.  I usually smile and nod, but honestly, not too much has really changed in my experience.  Some of my own habits have changed in the past year and a half Ryan and I have been married...but as a whole, our relationship seems pretty much the lovely same it was before we decided to legally bind ourselves to the other for the rest of our lives.  How have I changed?  For example...

1. I no longer have the whole bed to myself.  Most nights.  See, Ryan has Restless Leg Syndrome, which I never believed in until the past 1.5 years.  Now I wake up being kicked in the middle of the night and go to work with bruises on one side of my legs--the side I don't sleep on.  He also walks in bed while asleep.  Seriously.  I'll be in the middle of a lovely dream--you know, te one where you're eating bread and ice cream and it has NO calories? THAT dream--and I get woken up because from his waist down, he's walking.....  I can only hope it's part of his dreams--and that makes me hope for his sake that he's going somewhere worth it.  There are nights I just get up and leave, reveling in having the whole guest bed to myself...but then he wakes up alone, and usually with his feelings hurt.  "Why didn't you kick ME to the guest room??" he asks.  "Because..." I trail off.  Because, honestly, it's just nice to sprawl without the fear of getting beaten.

2.  I don't drink sodas and drink more water.  Not that I only drank soda or something beforehand, but it was in the house.  Now it's not so much that we're anti-soda...he just goes through 6-8 bottles of water a day--honest--and it's just simpler to not bother with them.  I'm not a big drinker anyway.  (HA.)  However, now that there's usually a case or four of water in the house at all times...I drink them.  So marriage has helped me improve my health.  Yay! for marriage.

3.  I eat more.  Okay, so maybe I was a little preemptive on the marriage making me healthier thing.  When I was single, I just ate when I felt like it--which wasn't three whole meals a day.  It was usually around 1.5 (lunch and something light for dinner), and maybe something to nosh on between.  Now, I eat at least two whole, heavy meals a day.  Which isn't bad per say, but it's additional....and trust me, my exercise hasn't grown proportionately.

This brings me to my new year's resolution: I'm not going to eat when I am not hungry--period, end of story.  No noshing when I'm bored.  No heavy dinners if I just want a salad.  I'm doing this.  It sounds silly, but I'm sticking to it.  Hold me accountable, peeps.  I need ya.

What are your resolutions?



P.S.  I interviewed for a job as an admissions counselor for the Academy of Art University in San Francisco last Friday.  I "passed" round one and had round two today.  Tonight they called pretty late (because the time zone is -3 hours) and freaked me out, but it was a welcome call as I've apparently made it to round three.  It'll be a Skype interview on the 21st.

Anyone ever Skype interviewed before?  If so, HELP!  I'll take any advice!

Thanksgiving

I'm a bad blogger.  Bad as in "I want to blog.  I think about it all the time.  Hey--I should blog this!" but I get distracted and forget, and not bad as in "bad-ass" or "that girl your mama warned you about."  (Is that sentence confusing enough?)  That's problem one: I'm ADD.  Problem two is that my mind flies far faster than I will ever be able to type.  And seriously, it's embarrassing how slowly I type.  After umpteen classes, I still look at the keyboard when I type.  I don't have to--it's more of a comfort thing--but I prefer it.  And I'm pretty sure no one's grading me on it anymore, and I like to think that St. Peter wont hold it against me when I reach the pearly gates.

Let's play catch-up.  As usual.

Thanksgiving was lovely.  We had Thanksgiving with Ryan's family earlier in October while his sister's husband was in on leave for the birth of their twins.  (That's another post for another time.)  Thus, we had a blissfully relaxing one-family Thanksgiving in Lincoln County this past weekend.  Well, as blissfully relaxing as  we Stones get.  There was, of course, an Excel spreadsheet detailing what foods were to be served on which days at which times.  That's right--we don't do just one meal on one day: it's a multi-day marathon with new foods every year.

Thanksgiving day (Thursday) was the deep fried turkey with Jack Daniels sweet potatoes and fresh cranberry sauce.  There was also homemade rolls and dressing as well as bourbon pecan pie.  Friday began with blimmeys (like crepes) for breakfast--with an assortment of fillings for your choosing, and leftover turkey for lunch.  Dinner, however, was shrimp and grits.  Not just any shrimp and grits, but shrimp and grits from the recipes of the Shrimp and Grits festival in Georgia.  Delicious!  Saturday was wild game night.  Yes, Dan Stone went a little bit crazy and ordered a variety meat package containing wild boar, elk, venison, bison and something vaguely antelope-ish.  I forget exactly what.  It was delicious--except for the elk.  Not so delicious, the elk.  Majestic, but not delicious.

There was also fresh venison as brother Ben landed an eight point buck in the back field soon after the sun rose Saturday.  Note: there's nothing like waking up to gunshot directly under your window at 6 am...  It turned into more of an event than usual: after field dressing him, Ben hung him from the raised bucket of the tractor (because we're classy like that, ya'll) and headed back to the house.  Problems arose when the tractor crossed from the back field to the front field.  There's a "ravine"--a small (maybe 5' deep, 10' across) dip between the fields which is part of a hollow.  As the tractor hit the "ravine," the buck brought the whole tractor forward, tilting it face down into the ground and sending the back wheels spinning freely in the air.  Plan B?  The whole house was awoken to assist in loading up the riding lawn mower's trailer cart (this is where we really begin to show our classiness) with cement cinder blocks to haul out to and weight down the rear end of the tractor.  It was hysterical.  There are pictures, but I would probably become the black sheep if I posted any of them here.

Dad also sponsored the annual Stone Graham Cracker House Contest.  I seem to have misplaced the other photos, but here's a sampling.

Dad's creation.

Ryan's--complete with wood pile, axe, and pooping dog.  That's my man...

I also snuck off Saturday night to go hang out with Lori and Lisa.  I forgot my cell phone at home and decided to just wait near the outdoor ice rink where we had decided to meet up.  No biggies, just me...waiting around a rink of small children...playing with my camera to look busy...probably looking like a pedophile.  Sigh.  While I was waiting, I bumped into my dad's brother David and his wife Charlene!  Funny how Huntsville is such a small city...  We were going to go ice skating...but Lori forgot socks...and it was cold...and there was great pizza and wine just around the corner. And H&M and Anthropologie beckoned.  You can guess the rest.  We did at least pose for a pretty picture, though!

And now we're all back in our homes (dorm, in Ben's case), anxiously awaiting meeting back up in a few weeks for more family fun...and more food.  Hope your holiday was just as enjoyable.


xoxo

Spring has Sprung

   In two weeks the weather has gone from "colder than a witch's tit" (local saying--not mine) to hotter than Hades.  My hair and skin are so confused--not to mention my mind.  Wait--what season is it again??  I now have to walk outside on the porch every morning--holding an empty mug, of course, so that anyone driving by will assume I'm enjoying my morning coffee and the view instead of standing there, hand on hip, just...you know, feeling the weather.
   Last week I interviewed for two internships with the German American Chamber of Commerce (GACC).  One is in Atlanta--the other is in Houston.  Either would be wonderful, truly wonderful.  If I get either, I'll be elated.  f not, then I'm not giving up hope.  All I know is that it's time for us to move on.  We need to simplify our lives--to downsize and get rid of the junk we've been holding onto since University.  I need a job that challenges me more.  Something that makes me rise to what I can be, and not pacifies my need to surf the internet for hours on end.  Ryan needs a break from his job here.  I don't know if he needs a break from music in general or just the inane, nepotistic administration that has run him ragged for the past 5 years...  Anyway, I'm optimistic.
   I request prayers.  Prayers for guidance, prayers for patience, prayers for ease of mind...
 

Bitches be crazy.

Yeah, I know.  Not so polite, but today, it's the only line coming to mind.

Ever meet someone so incredibly frustrating and ridiculous that you want to tear your own hair out--all at once--and then theirs, too?  Not that I'm advocating violence or anything.  Just making a statement.

Ever surprised and utterly flabbergasted that someone who has never taken the time to know you can suddenly judge you so harshly, pretending that they know all about you, resenting you for things you've done that they MADE UP IN THEIR MIND??

Yeah, now you know why I'm so frustrated.  It's gone on for months now, and I'm starting to feel almost careless about it.  I'm past, "well, i don't understand--please explain it to me--i'd like to be friends" and on to "look, you've never tried to know me so you can't possibly know my intentions--you've made up your mind about what i apparently do and don't do--and you're childish bordering on slightly delusional."  Which could be bad if I don't get a grip on that.

Yikes.

Why can't people just be reasonable?
And not crazy?

That is all...

In Which I Fixate On Something Absurd

Why is it that sometimes, the tiniest of tiny things makes you snap?
It's just that one little thing.  No big deal any other time--or today even--but for whatever reason, today it just pushes you over the edge.  It tarnishes everything else, despite your best efforts to keep it contained.  And you begin to obsess.

That's me today.

The woman who has been fixating the past seven-or-so hours on one stupid thing that for some inexplicable reason made the day go to hell.

It's ridiculous.

I'm aware.

Tomorrow, I'll laugh about it.

But tonight, I'm taking chocolate and a glass of wine with my bubble bath...

Ahoy!

Let's be honest: I am not a great blogger.
Ask me to wash the dishes?  Sure.  Need me to grab something from the store?  Not a problem.  Want a babysitter?  I am your dream babysitter (CPR certified, ftw!).  But ask me to write about my life on a fairly regularly basis?  Er...

Can I just sleep instead?  Or watch Real Housewives?  Yes?  Is that good for everyone?  Good.  Goooood.

In other news, Ryan and I have given up on the Omani job.  After much prayer--and lots of googling--we have come to the conclusion that it's just not the right job in the right place for us right now.  That leaves us with the two other opportunities that have come up recently:
   1. Huntsville, AL.  I can get my contract management certification, and Ryan can finish his math degree and work toward a finance position with the good ol' US of A.
   2. Bratislava, Slovakia.  I've got a friend who teaches English there and says they need more people.  Hmmm...now where could they find two more smart, classy native English speakers??

Man, I wish that hot married couple spoke English from their respective births...

So we're mulling over our options.  I'll be honest, I'm leaning toward Bratislava because, in all seriousness, who doesn't want to move to Slovakia??