We left off in April. I don't remember much of what was going on, but since that time Ryan got a new job, I quit my job, we moved out of state, I struggled with an out-of-the-blue bout of debilitating depression while searching for a new job on which I eventually gave up and went to work for Ryan's new company part-time. That's the one-sentance-6-second wrap-up of this blog entry in case you don't want to read the detailed version below.
Right then. You've been warned.
You may or may not know that my husband loves Magic the Gathering. I've witnessed a multitude of reactions to that statement over the years, so this is your cue to react with shock/awe/confusion/curiosity/eye-rolling/hysterical laughter or some combination thereof. He's a pretty good player--he recently came in 2nd at a smaller tournament where the 1st place prize was a plane ticket to Dublin for another larger tournament. (Seriously.) However, for the past year and a half, he's gotten into judging the game. That's right, judging. Magic has 6 levels of judges of which Ryan is a Level 2. His devotion (and believe me, it IS devotion) to the game has led him to many great friendships throughout the years (he started playing when he was a teenager) as well as recognition by those who run the tournaments throughout the US.
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Small aside: those who create/make MtG (Wizards of the Coast--yes, that's actually the company name) are not those who run these large tournaments. Wizards makes the cards and the storyline, but everything else is simply run by organizations. The largest of these is Star City Games, based in Roanoke, VA, and our new employer.
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Landing a job with SCG was nothing short of a miracle--and I don't say that lightly. Scott County was a wonderful place to begin our marriage while being surrounded by his family...but it also a backwards, stubborn, stifling black hole that we needed to escape. Ryan hit a brick wall at work--a job that was love/hate to begin with became far more hate than love by end of 5 1/2 years. I had no hope of doing anything remotely related to my interests or college education in a county with a population of 20,000 and 22% unemployment. This job was out ticket out, and we have not stopped our prayers of thanksgiving since hearing it was officially his. Since he had to finish the school year, we had three months to pack up, which ROCKED.
I was so excited about moving to a city--even a smaller one--that I threw myself into cleaning/packing/purging with vigor. Every item I got rid of was one more step toward our future. Every old t-shirt I donated to Goodwill was one step closer to a professional, corporate job. 20k, I told myself: my goal is a 9-5, 20k job that will be good experience for the future. And so, we moved. My parents and my brother helped us, and we couldn't have done it without them. Our 26' U-Haul was a beast to load and unload, and Ryan's 600 lb. library card catalog was not moving itself.
June 1st found us in our tiny apartment in Virginia, utterly exhausted, excited, and overwhelmed. No less than 5 organic food stores, a Fresh Market, four Krogers, two WalMarts, a TARGET (!!!!), movie theaters, two MALLS (!!!!!!!!!!!!), and my personal favorite, restaurants that will deliver food to my door! Heaven! After being home (read: unemployed) for three weeks, I was restless. I needed something to fill my days. Sure, lounging by the pool sounds like a great profession, but only after it's your reality for 21 loooooong days do you realize that there's got to be more to life. No, seriously--there has to be or you're just going to go crazy. Off the deep end, swimming with the fishies crazy. Yeah, driving around the city is nice...but it's not fulfilling.
Now, I haven't mentioned that I began applying for Roanoke-area jobs the day after Ryan got his offer in April. APRIL. As of June 12th, I went through my email and counted 40 job applications I had filled out and submitted. And I kept going until I couldn't find any more job posts for which I qualified. (I'm currently holding at 48.) I got rejection letters from every last one of them. Every one. For a fairly intelligent, grounded, mature, college-degree-wielding individual, THAT is one hell of a slap in the face. I couldn't handle it. Why had I gone to University? Why had I bothered? If a degree is the new high school diploma, what more do I have to have?
Ryan's company, Star City Games, was hiring, though. Despite the recession, the gaming business are thriving--growing at rates unheard of. Just last month, a tournament in Vegas broke a world record for any card-based tournament with more than 4,000 players. It's insane. So, to save myself from somewhere I never want to go back to, I decided to work part-time shipping Magic cards. It's not ideal. It's not something I'm passionate about. It's not something I want to do for the long-term. But for now, it's a job. And since the company is growing, I'm hoping a full-time position somewhere in their Customer Service department opens up. There are some wonderful people there, and sometimes the intelligence is extremely intimidating, but I've made some friends. That helps more than anything, I think.
The grandmother and namesake of Lill, my bff from college, lives here. Grandma Lilli is...different. She's the most un-grandmotherly lady I've ever met in my life, and I absolutely adore her. She's a chain-smoking, swearing, New Jersey native who retired from being VP of Marketing for Trump Casino and now resides in an old four-square home in the quaint Grandin Village neighborhood of Roanoke. Oh--and she lives with her 110 lb Rottweiler aptly named Puppy whose favorite toy is an 18 lb bowling ball. So I've spent some time cultivating that relationship as well.
Aaaaaaand that's about it. I haven't had the heart to write about it all until now. I've felt guilty and ashamed about the depression, and haven't wanted to be honest about it with anyone, especially myself. Tonight, it feels cathartic to write, to just let it pour out of me. Tomorrow is a new day--one filled with old Loony Tunes cartoons shown at an old theater for free, followed by the downtown farmer's market. I'm looking forward to the next steps, even if I don't know what they are. My current Bible study is centered around Job. Granted, I'm nowhere near that burdened, but it's been extremely helpful and healing to know that God is there, that He does have plans for me, and that I am yet unfinished. So I praise Him, thankful for the many blessings I do have despite my personal frustrations.
On that note, I'm going to go watch Mulan.
"A Girl Worth Fighting For" has been in my head all day, and I have GOT to fix that.
:)
R.
