The 5 second "Marriage" word association: 50's housewife, dad in a tie, family vacations, Cinderella, arguments, church, old married couple, divorce, same sex marriage, The Princess Bride, pets, children, anniversaries, weddings, savings, memories...
So many images come to mind:
As soon as I recovered from my deer-in-headlights impersonation, I hesitantly offered, "Yeah...I'll probably get married." And life went on. The gears, though--they kept on rolling.
Marriage.
These days there seem to be so many attitudes toward it. In Ye Olden Dayes, you were for it or against it--on the Oregon Trail, you needed a husband to stay alive, and I'm down with that OR you could have lived in New England and been one half of the Spinster Sisters, which also sounds pretty fun--simple as that--but now there seems to be a murky middle ground that has arisen from feminism, religious and non-religious thought, government policy, etc. All of a sudden there are not just the Singletons and the Marrieds, but a third type--the Maybes--moving in down the block. (There are categories within each, of course, but the simple addition of the Maybe category is novel itself.)
I feel confident that I make my bed with the Maybe clan. Granted, one must understand that this does not mean that I have wishy-washy feelings toward marriage itself--no!, for on it I am quite decisive (read: picky). I may or may not get married. I am perfectly fine with that. I know what I want in a man and a relationship, and if he I want doesn't present himself...well, I'm of no mind to go track him down.
If I sound detached about the subject it's only because that's all I know to do. Marriage is no fairy-tale love-fest. I am no Cinderella, and I'm fairly confident Kate Middleton has bagged the last Prince Charming on the planet. (Lucky bitch...) Marriage is a contract between two people and, ultimately, with God. Marriage is saying, "Okay. This is what I want, and That's what you want, and I think I can live with this...and with you. I agree to stop surveying my prospects and settle down with you." And with's God's help, you do just that.
Please don't misunderstand--I'm not saying there's no love. [There must be love!!--and lots of it!!] But it's a love that turns from the heart-pumping, stomach-flipping, butterflies-churning first stages of love to a deeper, more comfortable love. Sometimes when that first love infatuation goes away, you start thinking that you're falling out of love--but if you're in a healthy relationship, I think it just means you're entering a deeper, more mature stage of love. Kooky as it sounds, I think Richard Gere put it well in Runaway Bride when he said, "Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me." To me there is no backing out, no taking of breaks, no breaking up when you are married. You're in it together. When one of you is down for the count, the other steps in and fights even harder. It's gotta be work. No pain, no gain, right?
But I also know I'd be happy alone. I'd wander. I might rent a small flat in Ireland or perhaps in Croatia:
This still doesn't contain all my feelings on the subject, but I needed to verbally vomit that all out before the gears in my head choke up and explode and I starting explaining it to the awkward check-out boy at Food Lion. Cause let me tell you how well that worked out last time...
Just sayin'.
1 comment:
I'm with you on everything but the cats (allergic)! And maybe Croatia, even though it looks gorgeous :)
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